I have a lot to learn

On Wednesdays, I've been picking up some of neighborhood children in the afternoons and playing with them before dinner. The children range from ages 2 to 10 and the three older girls all came to day camp last summer, so I was very happy to see them again and have this opportunity for regular contact. Or, to be honest I was really happy agout getting to see most of them every week. One of the girls has a bit of an attitude and is fond of trying anyone's patience that she can to the absolute breaking point.

Well this past Wednesday I got a half-hour window into what these children's lives are really like and lets just say I had a change of heart. Normally when I show up the kids are all ready to go and come running outside to great me. I usually poke my head into their house and say hello, but never spend more than a few minutes inside. This Wednesday no one came running outside, and when I knocked on the door I was greeted by the youngest, wearing only his diaper. The children were clearly not ready to go, so I was invited to wait for them.

There isn't much light in the front room and the floor is dark. This is probably a good thing because it keeps you from seeing all the dirt and food scraps which I'm sure are crusted to the floor given the general stickiness under my feet. There are two couches on which I have absolutely no desire to sit and a general foul odor. The tv is on of course, and its some lousy talk show that does dna testing to figure out the real father of newborn babies. Their dog is barking at an annoyingly high frequency. His barking combined with the noise from the tv and shouts to get ready give the room an atmosphere of noisy chaos. I have about had it and want to leave after fifteen minutes and my heart goes out to these children who have to live here all the time. There are several things preventing us from getting out the door. The youngest needs to be changed and dressed and one of the girls can't find any shoes or a shirt to wear. She keeps going in and out of a side room. Each time she returns she insists that there are no shirts or shoes in the room, to which her grandma tells her again exactly where they are and yells at her to get dressed. She keeps coming to me, dressed in short-overalls without a shirt asking if we can go yet. I try and make it clear that she has two choices, putting on a shirt and coming with us, or staying at home. I try to persuade the other girls to help her find shoes and a shirt. Both efforts are futile.

When she comes out again, still without a shirt and a somewhat satisfied expression on her face, everything becomes clear to me. The only time she gets attention is when she acts out, so of course she acts out as much as possible. I had known this in my mind of course, but it is one thing to know it and another thing to see in happening right in front of your eyes - to see how the negative reinforcement just encourages her to keep misbehaving and how she was almost happy now that she had obtained every one's attention.

Two hours later I bring the children back, after an hour and a half of coloring with crayons and chalk and playing with a giant jump rope. We've been telling them bible stories because they don't know any. Today I tell the story of Lazarus and when I ask the girls questions about it afterward they remember everything. We send them home with food and remind them to come to the barbecue we are having the following day. And I'm glad that I don't have to wait until next Wednesday to see them, all of them.